Sparks Football Fantasies Headlines

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Darren Waller knows all about that in week 3s blunder of seven targets and only 3 receptions. You might be asking, “But Sparks Sparksalot, what if the defense had anything to do with those missed attempts?”. I say No, he was wide open and simply had a case of Stupify hands. That’s a harry potter reference for all you nerds out there. Back to Football, is Darren Waller made of stone? Will he ever catch a ball again? Maybe a brick and mortar expert is needed to cure this man of his Brick hands…

The first step to recovery is admission. In a statement to the press on Wednesday, Lamar Jackson, quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens said he’s more of a nickleback. Fantasy owners are now concerned that his lack of confidence is going to affect his performance durning Sunday’s matchup against the Indianapolis Colts. My professional option would hedge on the side of safety and bench this nickleback until he gets his quarter back.  

Cooper Kupp is set to return in week 3‘s matchup against Cincinnati Bengals (Shay’s favorite Team). When ask about how Kupp’s hamstring was feeling, he had this to say, “Whose hamster?”. Dr. Larry McVarry said, “Cooper Kupp‘s healing rate is exceptional and is almost on the borderline of unnatural.” Is Kupp a Wizard? Did he sell his soul for fast recovery rates? Or is he just an ordinary man with quick healing capabilities? I vote the former but Dr. Ramsanutsworth says, “Cooper Kupp is just an ordinary man with ordinary hands. He can barely catch a ball! It’s almost like he eats a stick of butter with his bare hands before every game…”. Harsh words coming from a doctor. 

I’m a bizarre twist of events Keenan Allen has submitted his 2 week notice to the LA Chargers. When asked what he wants to do with all his free time, Mr. Allen responded with, “it’s always been my dream to revive The Keenan and Kel Show. So Travis Kelce and I will start a reboot of the classic 90’s comedy series.“. Coach Henry McVarry is very displeased with the direction Mr. Allen wants to go but will support him in his future endeavors. 

Patrick Mahomes may miss his week 3 matchup against the Chicago Bears due to a scheduling conflict. The Kansas City Chiefs were slated to play the Chicago Bears on Thuessay night football but a miscommunication happens and slotted the game for mid afternoon Sunday game. This unfortunate event ousted Patty Mahomes and source say he was scheduled to shoot an episode of Eastbound and Down where he plays the titular character Kenny Rodgers. Now his secret identity is out and he can no longer play in Sunday’s matchup. 

Justin Tucker was diagnosed with Plantary Fagiitis, more commonly known as Plantar Fisciitis, on Wednesday evening and was removed from the active roster list. His condition comes down to a tender heel which he needs to plant when kicking a field goal. This unfortunate ailment can be cured by benching him in week 3.